You Suck Hillary Clinton

My Mom Always Hated You Hillary Clinton

You Do Look Fat in Those Jeans Hillary Clinton

I’m So Over You Hillary Clinton

Bee Genocide

What is the thought process that goes through the 67th yellow jacket’s mind before he flies into this device.

1) Ooooh! Yellooooww.

2) Oh my goodness, a slew of dead friends! I should go in too!

3) I’ll save you!

On another note. Is this trap 100% effective for all yellow jackets? Because if it’s not, are we killing off all the stupid Yellow Jackets, and leaving the smart yellow jackets to reproduce? Over time, in areas we think are our safest parks and patios, we could be creating an army of killer bees; Meat-eaters that attack humans, especially humans carrying hamburgers, chicken wings, and other deli goods. I estimate that by 2090, the US Killer Yellow Jacket epidemic will have risen beyond repair. Yellow Jackets will be nesting in our mailboxes & central air conditioning systems. These insects will be so strong that they will be immune to all consumer household poisons. The US Agriculture Commission will have to make DDT available for consumer purchase. The DDT will run off in the rain into the drinking water, and cause the death of the majority of animals in North America. The entire human population will have no choice but to be vegan. Hippies will turn corporate, opening vegan falafel chains & tofu houses. Tofutti will be a household name & the steak will be something that children hear tales of from their racist grandparents. Perhaps we should think of future generations before we begin trapping yellow jackets for the good of our weekend barbecues.

The Clapper

If you had the clapper hooked up to the TV, and the clapper commercial came on, wouldn’t the clapping in the commercial turn off the tv?

…

Me: A-Choo!

Stranger: God Bless You

Me: Oh, no thanks. I’ll be fine on my own.

MLA Format for Office Conversation

Conversations with unfamilar people in an office environment vary depending on the day of the week. They are as follows:

Monday:
1) How’s it going?
2) It’s ok, tough to come back on Monday.
1) Yeah, I feel that.

Tuesday:
1) How’s it going?
2) Hangin’ in there, just trying to get through the week.
1) Yeah, I feel that.

Wednesday:
1) How’s it going?
2) Hangin’ in there, halfway through the week now, so that’s good. **
1) Yeah, I feel that.

Thursday:
1) How’s it going?
2) Doin’ ok. Tomorrow’s Friday, so that’s good.
3) Yeah, I feel that.

Friday:
1) How’s it going?
2) Pretty good, glad it’s Friday.
1) Yeah, I feel that.

This is simply an outline, each phrase individually can be altered slightly, but the 3-line, short template must be followed.

** The phrase “hump-day” can sometimes be included by 2, to be determined by the level of exuberance between 1 and 2. Because exuberance between 1 and 2 in an office environment is not possible, the phrase “hump-day” can never be used.

Do shows have an expiration date?

New episodes of shows on the WB are called “fresh”. Does that mean that reruns are stale?

Who are you lookin’ at?

Democrats been sayin’ fer months that the only reason we went to war was for oil. Well answer this, democrats: If we went to war for oil, then why is gas so expensive?